She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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