If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
