At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
