I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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