Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
