Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
