I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
