Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
