well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
