I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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