The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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