i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize