THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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