Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
