as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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