we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you never un-have a 4some
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
