we have officially lost it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
