It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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