I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Come share oat with me in your robe
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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