I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
