New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
