Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
