I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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