Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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