sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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