I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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