Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
