when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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