I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
