He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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