so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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