I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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