this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
