Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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