u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
