No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
