It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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