dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
