there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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