I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
