you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
