So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
