i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
