I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
