I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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