More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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