Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
