i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
