I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
jump out the window naked night went bad
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