my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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