I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
