I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
