i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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