Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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