they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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