Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
