You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
