This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
