goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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