new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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