He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
