if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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