Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
