it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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