Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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