if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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