There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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