I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
