Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
