I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
